Last week I went to an on-camera audition for a commercial. I waited one hour and fifteen minutes to go in. The casting director spent 20 minutes "directing" us -- telling us that we should feel free to "play with the script" and not worry about memorizing. She repeated this information about 25 times. I memorized the script anyway, then focused on the talking points so I could make sure I'd hit them when I went in and started improvising for the director.
When I finally got into the room and got to do the take the director immediately stopped me when I said, "Hey, what's up?" instead of "Hey, how's it going?"
"Can we please stick to the script?" he said.
"Sure, sorry. I thought we were supposed to improvise," I said.
"Yes, but let's see the script first," he said, sounding weary. As if he had been saying it to actors all day long, hour after hour. I wondered why the casting director wasn't listening to the director. I think she was focused on jonesing for a cigarette.
So I went back to the script, even though there was no cue card in the room.
The guy I was auditioning with had to jog in place while I spewed info at him about some new cable TV option -- I was also running in place. I had a lot to say. Running and talking, running and talking.
The guy got all the direction, and it was suddenly very clear I was somehow not right for the part. But we did take after take after take anyway. Running and talking, running and talking. When we left the room, I was proud that I wasn't breathing heavily or dripping with sweat. I had maintained composure even though I was pissed off and disappointed in this total waste of time. As we were leaving the actor guy looked at me and complained that he was exhausted. I kicked him in the nuts and went home.
Not really.
But I wanted to. Instead I went out and had a cup of coffee and remembered that it's not usually so stupid out there. Not exactly. Not always. But sometimes it is.
And that's a part of the job. Glamorous, no?
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